Though many of you know it already, we want to take this opportunity to share our story with our family and friends. In an effort to be open about our plans to adopt, we would like to share a little about our lives and everything that has lead us to that decision.
As most of you know, we were married in July of 2009. We moved into our new home in the city to begin our lives together and couldn’t wait to start our family. Just a few months later, in September, we discovered that we were expecting our first baby! We were thrilled and happily began our preparations for the new addition to our family. Unfortunately, our joy lasted only for a short time. In the 10th week of pregnancy, we suffered a miscarriage. After losing the baby, we were crushed and heartbroken but we were soon ready to try again. We were reassured that these things sometimes happen and that it was unlikely to happen again.
In April of the following year, we found out we were pregnant again! We were definitely more nervous, but no less excited. We again shared our happy news with our families and began to make plans. But once again, our joy was short-lived. This time, only 5 weeks. We were devastated, but it wasn’t over yet. In the few weeks after the miscarriage, we could tell that something was wrong. The blood tests were not showing the results they should after losing a pregnancy, but we thought it was just taking a little longer than usual. Shortly after that, we were in the emergency room, and immediately taken into surgery. The pregnancy that we thought had been miscarried weeks before was ectopic and had burst in the Fallopian tube, causing internal bleeding. It was removed and we were sent home the next day to grieve for our second lost child.
The following months were hard. We were healing and worried about what the future would bring. We had spent so long dreaming and making plans for the large family we would have, but our hopes had come crashing down around us. We were scared, but we were ready to try again. This time, we thought, everything would be fine.
Third time’s the charm
It was more than a year before we were able to conceive again. In July of 2011, we once more were expecting. We were terrified and we were nervous. This time, we shared the news with hardly anyone. It was too difficult to risk having to take it back a third time so we planned to wait until the second trimester to share. But once again, we never made it that far. This time was a little different, as we requested an early ultrasound be done at the very beginning. At 6 weeks, we could see our tiny baby living and growing inside and were re-assured. Five or six weeks after that, we had another ultrasound, but the news was bad. The baby had stopped growing just days after we had seen that first tiny heartbeat on the monitor at 6 weeks. This is referred to as a “missed miscarriage,” when the fetus stops developing but there are no immediate signs. Sometimes it takes a few days and sometimes, like in our case, it can take a few weeks to notice that something is wrong.
Taking the next step
After our third loss, we knew for sure something was wrong but we didn’t know what. After another year of trying with no success, we started seeing our doctor. Our monthly visits consisted of routine check-ups, testing, charting and fertility medications. Our doctor then gave us the choice to either continue as we had been or to get more aggressive with our treatments. Around that time, we decided to take a break from the treatments all together. We were tired, and unwilling to try any artificial methods of conception as suggested by our doctor.
We discontinued our doctor visits in November of 2013 and decided we would just wait and see what God had planned for us.
In January, we had the amazing opportunity to attend the March for Life in Washington D.C. The theme of the march this year was adoption. All of a sudden, it occurred to us that perhaps it was no coincidence that we were able to attend the March this year, which lead us to read many articles pertaining to adoption, which lead us to more seriously consider it ourselves.
We had always talked about adopting, having both come from families formed through adoption. We dreamed about having biological children and then pursuing it. Over the last 5 years, having experienced the trials of infertility, we sensed God calling us to consider adoption on His timeline- which apparently is a lot faster than our own! After much prayer, years of preparation for a child and our struggle with infertility, we believe whole-heartedly that God has called us to grow our family through adoption.
While we were excited about this calling, we also had some reservations. What about our plan for our family? What about the “new parent” experience we had always dreamed about- the pregnancy, the 9 months of waiting, and bringing our new baby into the world?
Through all our fears, we sensed God’s gracious guiding. All in His good timing, He lead us to read the right articles and books, to attend the right informational meetings, to sit down and talk with other adoptive parents, and to spend time together in heartfelt prayer, seeking His will. It has now become so clear to us that this is where we were always meant to be. Everything we have been through together has lead us to where we are now, which is right where God intended us to be. We are happily and joyfully embracing this new path and cannot wait to finally add a child to our home!